All through your life people have probably told you to write a one page resume right?

Well they’re full of it, after my last round of resume submission I got a chance to talk to more than a few HR folks, recruiters and head hunters, and they wanted as much as possible, 4 pages was the average, 10 was the max, but they had seen much more for people with many years experience.

They want a short summary of you and your personality first, then a bulleted listing of skills to scan for key words, then work experience current first with job title(s), a short summary of your job there, then a bulleted list of APPLYING SKILLS, say what skills were used on what project, or during normal routines, such as…

ChickenPlucker Tech.

March 1, 2001 – March 1, 2007

Lead Developer

I plucked digital chickens, moving up from lineman to developer then to lead developer I supervised a staff of 30 pluckers on a plucking project.

* Redesigned plucking method to be more efficient, gained a system wide productuctivity increase of 10%.

* Researched and implemented new plucking gloves using tactile feedback, AJAX HUD updates and an IV coffee drip.

then finally add your education and hobbies/interests

Even if your fresh out of college and have little work experience, apply the same bulleted skill listing to your education instead, show what in school you applied your skills to, class projects count as much as intern and entry level work, its just not real world, and any head hunter who starts touting “there’s no real world experience on your resume” is just looking for easy sales, many HR people don’t care, as long as you show the willingness to A. learn, and B. try hard.

Good luck slackers.

Now I’m far from an Agile Zealot, but I do see good qualities in Agile methodologies.

But I read an article in New York Magazine about burnout, and starting piecing together clues from people who I know that work in Agile projects, and their own changes in position and company.

Developers live on consistancy, Agile changes goals frequently (potentially), changing goals is counter to consistancy causing unexplained stress in the mind of the developer, the lack of control not to mention the always present lack of appreciation all developers face with the typical “It doesn’t work the way I expected. Blame development” or the opposite “It works the way it should. Good it means developers are doing what I pay them to”, but rarely do you see “It works the way I expected. Those developers are doing a great job.”.

Constantly changing requirements lends toward burnout, especially of someone already started work on a previous requirement that has been changed, or worse, eliminated, leaving a forever unresolvable whole in the developers need for gratification.

And they wonder why developers would rather spend 10 hours at their PC instead of 15 minutes in a meeting, our PCs don’t blame everything on us, that’s why.

Am I getting burnout? I’m not sure, but I do feel bile wellup in my throat when I think about the number of times I had the words “Thank you” or “Your doing a great job” sent my direction. Our fucking secretary gets more respect than I do, and she complains about having to answer the phone.

Why do managers always think developers like sitting in chairs that feel like church pews?
Yeah, I’d much rather go home at the end of the day with a stiff back than be comfortable enough to actually do my job, I swear I’ve spent more time today readjusting my chair and shifting my ass than I have developing code.

And what is this obsession with wearing a tie?
That “you look professional, you’ll feel professional, you feel professional, you’ll work professional” is a load of horseshit, I feel like a fucking Monkey, the noose is cutting off blood to my brain man!

What happened to the day of the developer being long haired, shaggy bearded, wearing a hawaiian shirt and birkenstocks?

Time
Money
Energy

These 3 items guide every projects success.

Time to design, Time to develop, Time to test, Time to implement, Time to sell.

Hopefully you have that before you run out of…

Money to hire quality staff, Money to pay wages, Money to keep your office open.

And an ever dwindling supply of that quickly drains you of…

Energy to focus, Energy to keep others focused, Energy to drive your business to success.

There are hinderances to these 3 items in most workplaces, Morale and Energy sucking cancers, Money sucking failed projects, Energy sucking meetings, Time wasted in dealing with those.

So what do we do about them? Usually nothing, sometimes we complain to management, who typically either don’t understand or don’t care, sometimes we try to work around the hinderance or sometimes we try to resolve the hinderance and in both cases end up looking like a hinderance ourselves.

So what SHOULD we do about hinderances?
Well, resolve them of course.

Managers should be aware, and care that they exist, a company rides on the back of its non-managerial staff, managers are there to guide those staff, but they are also there to remove obstacles from the path, kicking aside rocks and fallen logs. They exist to help their workers work more effectively.

Workers should feel free to voice themselves on elements that might be a possible hinderance, and Managers should make those Workers feel comfortable enough to voice themselves truthfully, openly and completely. If you get in trouble for voicing an opinion you probably don’t want to work there for the rest of your career.

Business isn’t about peoples feelings, its about doing work, getting paid, going home and spending time with your friends and family, but anything that affects Doing Work, affects Getting Paid or Going Home, which affects spending time with friends and family.

Hinderances cause a snowball effect, they eat Time, Energy and Money causing others to work harder to make up for the now lacking Time, Energy and Money by giving up some of their own.

Should I be happy or confused, one of our Shadows has faded into nothingness.

I know its now a permanent void, but there hasn’t been any official documentation regarding this occurance. Typically when a Monster is killed the monks and friars come out of the woodwork chanting hymns and smacking each other in the head with boards.

And what does this mean of the position the Shadow formerly held, is it open for filling? Should I care?

Ah screw it, I’m gonna get a new cup of Java, throw around some Beans and play with my Struts and hope it all gets taken care of before morning.

And why the bloody hell would someone turn on the AC in the middle of WINTER?

My office is actually COLDER than the air outside! WTF! Seriously, 52 outside, 46 on my clock.